Clientcopia Stories (20)

9/3/2010 12:50 PM

Quote #7763 | Submitted by: designer98

Saw this post, and as a designer, had to comment....


----I was working as an interior decorator, doing a custom
glazed painting job in a kitchen/dining room. After exhaustive
efforts in picking colors and glazes, and running all of them by
the client, we finally settled on a combination that was exactly
what she wanted. I finished one wall, and since she was rather
difficult to start with AND it was not my first ro-de-o, I
called her in to look at it.

She looked, looked, hemmed, hawed, and then said. "It's great!
It's just what I asked for. Except, well, I wonder, could you
make it brighter and darker?"

Sure. You bet. Let me just get right on that. Brighter AND
darker. 'Cause that's how colors work.----

Actually, that IS how colors work. There are three dimensions of
color: Hue (red, green, etc.) Saturation or Intensity (bright
vs. dull, or the amount of grey added to a pure tone), and Value
(light vs. dark, or the amount of white added to a pure tone).

So, in contrast to a standard blue, brighter and darker would
mean a nice intense dark royal blue color. Read an Intro to
Color Theory book.

9/3/2010 8:22 AM

Quote #7762 | Submitted by: NickPDanger

I had been proofing a vehicle lettering project to a client repeatedly, when I finally recieved the brilliant email asking me to:
"Add in an elaboration of squigly".
For reals. We laughed our asses off.

8/31/2010 7:50 PM

Quote #7761 | Submitted by: cfish

I'm a party entertainer, so I send out contracts and require signatures and deposits before I confirm an event. Some of these events involve driving at least an hour one way and performing at someone's private home, and once an event is confirmed I'm turning down other work for that day...these are just some of the reasons I require a deposit at least a week before the booking.

More often than not, however, I get this question:

"Can we just give you the deposit when you get here?"

8/28/2010 9:35 PM

Quote #7760 | Submitted by: stuartsmith

Client: "Our current logo is of a concrete pumper facing front on, but we were thinking you could rotate it on your computer so we could see it from the back".

Me: "2D dosent work that way"

8/27/2010 12:07 PM

Quote #7759 | Submitted by: popcorn

"I'm not asking you to change the animation. I'm just asking you
to change the way it moves."

8/26/2010 11:31 AM

Quote #7758 | Submitted by: gromit1463

We had a freelance client a number of years ago. He was a friend of my sister in a far-away city who headed up a non-profit organization that needed a website.

We did the meetings by phone conference, and all went well. The guy liked our design, we set up the hosting, implemented the site, the whole nine yards. "We love it!" The site design was clean, elegant, dark blue and modern, with barely noticeable undertones of grunge textures. We were very proud (at the time) to put that design in our portfolio.

One year later, the guy calls back, wanting to update the site. Sure, no problem. Well, sort of:

Us: Any ideas on what you're looking for in your new design?

Client: I want something a little cleaner than what you did for us last year. Same basic layout, same pages, same content (except with a few minor changes on a couple of the pages).

We put together a new layout, a little cleaner than the last.

Client: Hm... not sure, can we maybe tweak that background color a bit? Maybe make that texture a little less obvious still.

Tweaks made, comps sent.

Client: That's perfect! We're working out the content changes over here, and once we send that over, we'll be ready to pull the trigger.

A couple of weeks pass.

Us: So, um... were you still going to send that updated content?

Client: Yes, we're working on it. We have a few new people and would like to get their pictures on the site too.

Us: OK, great. Just let us know.

A week later:

Client: We've been talking, and we want to make some changes to the design again.

Us: Um, OK... what did you have in mind?

Client: Well, we think it's too dark. Maybe brighten it up a little. Maybe try a green instead of blue?

Adjust the comps and resend.

Client: Oh, hm... we still don't like that. Can we do [some random other direction]?

Adjust the comps and resend.

Client: Oh, wow. No, that's not good at all. The Board was thinking--

Us: WHAT?? "The Board??"

Client: Yes, the Board of Directors wanted to have this kind of texture in the background.

He attached a picture of somebody's 1970s vintage recliner. It was a close-up of the yellow-orange-brown plaid upholstery that's about as smooth and soft as a gravel road.

We were in total astonishment. We discussed how best to incorporate the "texture" into the design, went back and forth numerous times. We finally had to (politely) tell him that there was no way we could get that gaudy recliner into the design while still keeping their overall feel.

Client: OK, we'll talk to the board.

A couple of weeks pass.

Client: The Board is still in disagreement. I'm making an executive decision. We'll go with what we agreed on originally.

And so we did. The good thing is that they paid us for all the work we did. Fortunately for them, the additional changes requested by the Board didn't take too much time. They haven't contacted us again since, and I don't think they're even keeping the site updated anymore.

8/24/2010 11:04 PM

Quote #7757 | Submitted by: erdohmen

We get all types in our office, but I was lucky enough to deal with one lovely person on my most recent internship:

Me: Hello, how may I help you?
Lady: Hi, I'm looking for (supervisor)?
Me: She has just stepped out for a moment, but maybe there's something I can help you with?
Lady: Oh, ok then. Well, it seems like my laptop is getting very hot all the time. If I use it for a while on my lap, I usually have to stop because it hurts too much.
Me: Do you have the computer with you? Would you like me to take a look at it?
Lady: Yes, I have it right here. But, to be honest, I know what the problem is.
Me: Oh, really? It'll be easier for me to fix if you could tell me.
Lady: Well, my husband just installed a firewall on this computer. He said it has something to do with security, but I don't believe him, not one bit! I think he's just trying to get back at me for making him go to my high school reunion! It must be the firewall that's heating up my laptop, and he's just being spiteful!
Me: *sigh, reaching for the coffee and the aspirin*

8/23/2010 12:45 PM

Quote #7756 | Submitted by: AndyK

I was sitting in a programming class back when I was a student. Like most classes, we had a few clueless students, but we also had one who thought he was going to be the most brilliant programmer ever (assuming he could manage to graduate!).

The instructor was lecturing on many ways to write code so that it was easier to debug. Mr. Brilliant was smiling broadly, apparently considering the idea that HIS code could ever have a bug as unthinkable. The instructor pointed out that when a bug occurs in production code, sometimes it was very difficult for the programmer to access the affected system.

Mr. Brilliant: I'm sure it would be very easy to debug, all I would have to do is sit down at a terminal and step through the program.

Instructor: but what if you are not in the same location where the program is being run? A company on the other side of the planet might be running your code, so in addition to distance, they might not even speak your language.

Mr. Brilliant: well, that probably won't ever happen, so...

Instructor (interrupting): what if you were writing software for a big telecommunications satellite? Think you can easily access it remotely while it is in earth orbit? That's why you need to do everything you can to write good code that is bug free!

By that point, the whole class was snickering at Mr. Brilliant and his face was turning read. Near the end of that class, his FIRST semester of programming, he had a very hard-to-find bug in one of his programs. He tried fixing it for several days but even with the instructor's hints, he couldn't find it. Finally he got mad one day, screamed that there was a bug in the compiler we were using, and stomped out without ever coming back. The instructor was a very nice lady, and during the next semester took our class step-by-step through Mr. Brilliant's program so we could see what went wrong.

8/23/2010 11:16 AM

Quote #7755 | Submitted by: gromit1463

Not "stupid client," but rather "honest tech." I'll never forget this one.

I had [cable company]'s high-speed internet and cable TV services, and they offered me a deal to get digital phone too. I thought, "Why not?"

The install tech came out first thing in the morning (8:00am). He gets to work checking the lines and configuring the digital phone adapter to ring all of the phones in the house. Power up... can't connect to the digital phone network.

He checked the cable modem and all the connections... all fine. Called the tech helpdesk to run some diagnostics on the cable modem. No problems there. He goes out to his truck to get another digital phone adapter.

We went through the same routine with all eight (8) of the digital phone adapters in his truck that morning. It took 3.5 hours to do so. After he tried the eighth adapter:

Me: So do you normally have this much trouble with these boxes?

Tech: Sometimes. It's hard to tell what exactly the problem is. Technically it shouldn't be this hard.

Me: ...Do you have digital phone at home?

Tech: Yes.

Me: ...Do you use [cable company]?

Tech: I'm not supposed to say.

Me: Just between you and me?

Tech (looks around as if someone might be listening IN MY HOME... lowers voice): Just between you and me... no. I use [other digital phone service] at home.

Me: Ah-ha. :-)

We both laughed. He took his stuff, and gave me a reference number to give to the customer helpdesk when I cancel my service:

Me: I'd like to cancel my digital phone service.

Helpdesk: May I ask why?

Me: The tech tried all eight digital phone adapters in his truck and couldn't get a single one of them to work.

Helpdesk: ... Oh... um... wow.... OK.

Me: Also, please make sure that I don't get charged for anything since I never actually had the service.

They didn't charge me for anything (sigh of relief). That same day, I called [other digital phone service]. I set up my account on their website, they shipped me a digital phone adapter in 2 days, and I had it plugged in and on their network in less than 5 minutes. I still have their service 4 years later and will continue to have it for as long as I need a house phone.

8/23/2010 5:24 AM

Quote #7754 | Submitted by: Jammy

Around December 2007 (the year is important) i was working as the main web developer at a local authority. The departmental head comes up to me (he all ways reminds me of the dilbert boss). Hes got a flash xmas card he wants to send out to hundreds of people, and to save network traffic he'd like me to upload the flash file to the web site so he can link to it in the email instead of emailing a large flash file around.

I'm thinking its a corporate message created by some other department and this is quite a good idea. He gives me the file and leaves. I decide i'll watch it prior to uploading mainly to see what rubbish they had wasted money on.

I load it up and watch some soppy xmas snow animation which lasts about 2 minutes. Clearly it was something he had randomly downloaded from the web nothing relating to the counil at all. At the end it come up full screen in big letters "merry xmas 2005" eh? looks like he didnt even watch it all the way though, and hes going to just email this to hundreds of people (head on desk).

So i go around to the boss and say "erm you know that animation, well it says 2005 at the end"..... long seconds pass by.... "can you just change it?" I had many answers i could have given but i choose "unfortunatly no, as we dont have the original files and we dont have flash installed on any machines". "Oh well i'll have to find another". Im glad to be free of that place :D.

8/20/2010 12:51 PM

Quote #7753 | Submitted by: Matthew

Music could certainly use a kid in the ass. We will start that search in the coming
days.

Let me know your thoughts on the general look and feel.

Thanks

8/19/2010 4:18 PM

Quote #7752 | Submitted by: rabbitronica

I was working as an interior decorator, doing a custom glazed painting job in a kitchen/dining room. After exhaustive efforts in picking colors and glazes, and running all of them by the client, we finally settled on a combination that was exactly what she wanted. I finished one wall, and since she was rather difficult to start with AND it was not my first ro-de-o, I called her in to look at it.

She looked, looked, hemmed, hawed, and then said. "It's great! It's just what I asked for. Except, well, I wonder, could you make it brighter and darker?"

Sure. You bet. Let me just get right on that. Brighter AND darker. 'Cause that's how colors work.

8/19/2010 9:27 AM

Quote #7751 | Submitted by: Ken

#7750: "To this day they still swear they 'always used to have 14-page brochures'."

Yes, the old "but it used to work" story...

I write and maintain a DBMS, and have done so since version 1.0 was release years ago. With each upgrade comes the inevitable "you broke my code, because you changed the behavior of FOO()". When asked what changed, they describe that it used to do X, but now does Y. After some investigating, I assure them that nothing has changed, and it has always done Y.

"But my code depends on FOO() doing X, and it's always worked before, and now it doesn't because it does Y!"

"Sorry, but it's always done Y."

"No, it used to do X!"

"I have triple-checked, and have verified that it always did Y."

"But it used to work!"

"Reinstall the old version of the program, and if it really does X, then send me some code to demonstrate the change in behavior."

Not once in all of my years maintaining the application has anyone come back to me after such an exchange with code that actually shows such a change in behavior. Yet they continue to swear "it used to work, but I can't duplicate it at the moment".

8/19/2010 7:11 AM

Quote #7750 | Submitted by: aelinora

I once had to travel 50 miles with some folded paper to conclusively demonstrate to a
client why their standard A4 saddle stitched brochure needed to be either 12 or 16
pages long. I spent a happy half hour watching them try to make their plan work -
cause 'it just has to be an even number of pages, right?'

To this day they still swear they 'always used to have 14-page brochures'.

8/18/2010 7:21 PM

Quote #7749 | Submitted by: stick a fork in it

client: The printer you sold me turns on just fine, but now my computer and monitor wont turn on

me: (Fsck! I knew it was refurbished, but I didn't think it would fry anything!) Err... did you unplug anything while installing it?

client: Yeah, I unplugged the power strip to plug in the printer-

me: (phew!)

client: but I made sure to plug it back in afterward.

me: wait, what?

client: I thought it was like, a fire hazard, or something to have more than 3 things plugged into the power strip, so I wanted to plug it directly into the wall.

me: Ok, that's kind of reasonable... then why unplug the power strip?

client: there was no free wall plug.

me: Ok, so then what is the power strip plugged into?

client: ... there are 4 lines plugged into it now...

me: ...

client: I think I found the problem, thank you for your ti-

me: *click*

8/18/2010 4:00 PM

Quote #7748 | Submitted by: Mike

Me: "Good afternoon, (company name) this is Mike, how can I help you?"

Client: "...Hello?"

Me: "Hi."

Client: "Hello."

Me: "...Hi."

Client: "Hello."

Me: "..........What can I help you with?"

Only then does he start to tell me what he wants. He could hear me the whole time. This was one of those thirty minute calls too.

8/18/2010 3:43 PM

Quote #7747 | Submitted by: gecko2

Got a client who does a bingo site and asked us to use The X Factor branding and call it The Bingo Factor.

After warning him that it is infringing their trademark and they could get sued he said as long as we changed it slightly it would be okay. He's very clued up on trademarks and copyright he says....

Okay it's on your head I said. Did the design with The Bingo Factor using their logo witha huge B I N G O across the middle of it.

I then get an email.

The idiot: Can you use the X Factor logo without the X?

Me: Erm, no, without the X there is no X Factor logo.

The idiot: Okay, can try using a B instead of the X?

WTF?!?!?

8/18/2010 3:27 PM

Quote #7746 | Submitted by: gecko2

Got a brief in and it said in part there was going to be some 'free bees' for their clients. So I could do the rest of the design and they'll be added later.

The client's in the gaming industry and gives me the worst briefs ever, so prepared myself for maybe 'Free Bets' and at the worst donning my spare Beehiver's outfit, hat and gloves.

After asking a couple more times about the 'Free bees' I get the typically sarcastic comment from the idiot 'It's Free Bingo isn't it?'.....

This guy is an idiot and does this all the time to me. It's all my fault for not being on his sub-human IQ level.

8/18/2010 11:32 AM

Quote #7745 | Submitted by: gromit1463

I am a web developer for the marketing department of what used to be a medium-sized company. Just before I was hired on a few years ago, it was acquired by a much larger company, along with several others. There was a clearly defined rebranding path that each of the acquisitions were instructed to follow.

The team I joined followed the rebranding path to the letter. Three years later, we are completely and seamlessly integrated into the the parent brand from a marketing perspective.

I was just on a conference call a few weeks ago, discussing the plan to (finally) decommission all of the pre-acquisition websites. Ours was easy. The others... not so much. The following is paraphrased:

Us: So, we're here to discuss decommissioning your pre-acquisition website. Ours is already done. We're just waiting on you.
Them: Sorry, we can't do that.
Us: Beg your pardon?
Them: Well... we're afraid our customers will get confused.
Us: Why?
Them: Our customers know us as [old company name]. How do I put this delicately... we didn't do such a great job evangelizing the acqusition.
Us (to ourselves): WTF?!?! You had 3 years to rebrand yourselves!
Them: On the new website, we have to put [old company name]. Our customers will get confused and alarmed if they see [new company name].

Lovely.

8/18/2010 11:19 AM

Quote #7744 | Submitted by: gromit1463

I was a software developer at a very large company a number of years ago. My team came across a bug ticket from the QA team in our bug tracker system that simply said,

"Software broken."

No description of the problem, no build number, no steps to reproduce the issue. After going back and forth about a dozen times with the person who reported the issue, it turns out he was using a build that was several weeks old. We instructed him to upgrade to the latest build, then my development lead closed the ticket shortly thereafter.